Funeral customs in Poland

How to behave when someone dies

The traditional way of dealing with death is to mourn and be sad. People express their condolences and offer help and support to the family of the deceased person. During the get-together after the funeral, called stypa, the focus is more on happy memories related with the deceased person.

Informing about the death

Obituary (nekrolog / klepsydra)

You can inform the public about someone’s death by publishing an obituary (nekrolog) in a newspaper or on the internet, or hang out special death notices (klepsydra).

Death notices are prepared by the funeral home and hanged on information boards at the entrance to the cemetery, the local church or churches and sometimes on the deceased person’s house. Funeral homes also publish the death notice on their Facebook page, so it can be shared easily.

Klepsydra is a short, informative obituary, usually in the form of an A4 announcement. It contains the persons’s name, their age, date of death, information about rosary prayers for them as well as the date and location of the funeral.

The death notice can include a photografh of the deceased person, but it’s not obligatory. Most death notices in Poland don’t have a picture.

The death notice may include additional information, e.g.:

• “Rodzina prosi o nieskładanie kondolencji” or “Prosimy o nieskładanie kondolencji”, which means that the family doesn’t want to receive condolences during the ceremony.

• “Zamiast kwiatów…” - “Instead of flowers…”. Instead of bringing the traditional flowers, the family may ask to donate money for a cause, like the local hospice. Typically, there will be people with donation boxes present during the funeral ceremony, collecting cash.

Informing family and friends

Then someone dies, the information about the planned funeral is passed on to other family members and friends. If you can think of somebody who knew the deceased person and would probably like to pay their respects, inform them. Not everyone visits the places, where death notices are published, and the closest family members may be to shocked to remember about everybody.

If you don't know the burial date yet

You can publish and hang out death notices even if you don’t know the burial date, e.g. when there is a post-mortem examination, a police investigation, or you have to bring the body from abroad.

In this case, the funeral home puts the following information in the death notice:
“We will inform about the burial date as soon as possible”.

Rosary prayers before the funeral

A rosary prayer (różaniec) for the dead is a Catholic funeral rite that is held on the evening before the burial. Traditionally, it was held in the house of the deceased person, with the body still present - especially in the contryside. In some parts of Poland (e.g. in the Kashubia region) the rosary used to turn into an all-night vigil, called pusta noc (literally “empty night”, meaning quiet, left alone). This custom was still widely practised in the 80s in different parts of Poland.

Nowadays, the rosary prayer can be conducted at home, but most often it takes place in a church, chapel or a funeral parlour. It is open for everyone who wants to commemorate the deceased person. Information about the dates and time of the rosary prayer is included in the death notice.

The rosary prayer can be held every evening between the death and the funeral. However, if the burial date is not known (e.g. when there is a post-mortem examination), you can wait until you know the date of the funeral and inform about the rosary prayer later. Usually, the rosary prayer takes place for three consecutive evenings before the day of the funeral.

Condolences

Expressing condolences

You can express your sympathy for people who are in pain after loosing a loved one by saying „My condolences” or simply „I’m sorry”.

Sometimes, the family doesn’t want to receive condolences. In this case, the priest or officiant may express this whish, or it can be included in the death notice (klepsydra):
“Rodzina prosi o nieskładanie kondolencji”.

Condolence card

It is not customary to send condolence cards in Poland, but it is slowly becoming popular to express your condolences in writing. If you live far away and cannot take part in the funeral, you can send a condolence card to the family of the deceased person.

How to dress for a funeral

Nowadays, the rules regarding funeral clothing are not as strict as they used to be, but you are still expected to dress in a neat and respectful way. It advisable to choose clothes that are conservative and respectful.

Family members should wear black clothes. Black is the most traditional colour associated with death and mourning in Poland.

In general, adults and teenagers show their mourning by wearing black or dark clothing and shoes. Other colours you can traditionally wear to a funeral are navy blue, dark grey, brown. You can combine dark outerwear with a white shirt or blouse.

Wearing bright or colourful clothes by an adult may be considered disrespectful.

These rules are not obligatory for children.

What to bring to a funeral

Flowers

Traditionally, the mourners bring flowers. You can choose single flowers, funeral bouquets or wreaths. The closer you were to the person who died, the bigger the flower composition.

White flowers are most common. Other colours are allowed, like yellow, pink or purple, but they shouldn’t be too bright.

The flowers are placed on the grave right after the funeral ceremony.

Instead of flowers

If the family specifically asks not to bring flowers and donate money for a cause instead, you can bring some cash for the collection that will be organised during the ceremony.